Jessica G.

Dear Jessica,

I think you are smart for not talking with your friend in the immediate days after your embarrassing episode, as you were probably at the peak of your angry feelings, and would not have been able to express yourself to your friend in a way that would do anything but exacerbate your already difficult situation. However, if you are planning on never speaking with her again, this is certainly counter the Torah teachings. Let me share with you a profound verse in the Torah!

“You shall not hate your brother in your heart; you shall rebuke your fellow and you shall not bear a sin because of him” (Vayikra 19:17). The Ramban, Nachmanidies, in his second explanation of this verse comments that although the verse seems to be expressing a few disjointed teachings, in reality they are all connected. The central theme of this verse is the mitzvah to not hate your fellow. Well, that sounds all nice and spiritual, but the realities of life seem to make this mitzva an impossible feat. When someone hurts you, whether physically or emotionally, it is completely natural to feel anger or even hatred towards them! Addressing this issue, the verse continues with the antidote: “you shall rebuke your fellow”. The Torah is teaching us that you cannot fully get rid of the anger towards your friend until you openly discuss your feelings about the hurtful episode with her. Ramban notes that when you rebuke your friend for their misdeed two things will most likely happen. Either your friend will apologize for her mistake, or she will explain her actions to you from her perspective and understanding of the events. Whichever way your friend responds (apology or explanation) those deep feelings of hatred tend to quickly dissipate, and seeds of understanding and renewed love seep in. Open you heart and share your words with your friend so that “you shall not bear a sin because of him”. Which sin? The sin of hating your fellow!

It is amazing to hear of stories where one family member refuses to speak to another family member because of a hurtful experience that occurred ten years prior. Many times a simple heart to heart chat could have saved years and years of pent up frustrations and severed relationships. In the end of it all, the one who suffers the most by not talking openly with the person who hurt them is the victim herself. We carry the baggage of damaged relationships and hurt feelings for a lifetime – and it weighs down on us! Go and speak to your friend now. But remember to not point fingers at them in a mean way. Tell them how you experienced the events in your mind and how you felt as a result. Chances are that times haven’t changed too much from the days of Nachmanidies, and you will have created the necessary space to let go of hatred and recreate your relationship with your friend.

Let me know how it goes! Sincerely,

Rabbi Yogi

Andrea V.


Dear Andrea,

Jewish conversion requires three things: Circumcision (for males only – thank G-d we are not like some of those African tribes!), dunking one’s whole body in the Mikvah waters, and accepting the Torah’s commandments upon oneself. The tricky part with many modern day conversions is that although the would-be converts may have been circumcised by a proficient Jewish mohel (circumciser), and may have dunked in the Mikvah, they may not have accepted all of the commandments upon themselves. This final element of accepting the mitzvos is the central and key element of every conversion. The conversion must “convert” the person’s life!

However, if a non-Jew went through all of the conversion steps but did not change their daily lifestyle by starting to keep kosher, observe the Shabbat, keep the laws of family purity etc., then this person has not converted their life and as such has not become Jewish (see Talmud – Tractate Yevamos, that even the lack of acceptance of one of the commandments invalidates conversion).

Having studied the laws of conversion in depth for a year (I am currently editing a scholarly work on the laws of conversion), many past converts to Judaism have sought counsel with me to find out if their past conversion were in fact kosher, and the startling conclusion that many of these people discover is that although they converted with sincerity and good intentions, they never intended to change their lives to follow the laws of the Torah at the point of their conversion. This detail invalidates conversions, and therefore converts such as these are not considered Jewish in the State of Israel. I do suggest to these understandably distraught individuals to not let this newfound understanding of their past “conversions” pull them away from Judaism. Rather, I encourage them to go forward and proceed with the kosher conversion that they have always wanted. This step will require of them a great level of commitment to abiding by the laws of the Torah, and will not happen over night, but what great things happen over night?

Many would shy away from telling you all that I have informed you about the absolute requirement of accepting the commandments for fear of insulting those rabbis who knowingly convert individuals without ensuring their acceptance of the Torah laws. However, I believe that you deserve to be fully informed so that you can make your decision whether or not to convert with a full plate of facts before you. I also hope that if you do in fact decide to convert that my words will encourage you to choose a rabbi to guide you along the process who is thoroughly learned in the laws of conversion, and who will ensure that your conversion will be complete.

As I write this response to you, I see those who will attempt to politicize my words, and argue that Judaism does not require full observance of the law to achieve conversion, and that what I have written is but one understanding of the law. They may argue that in their opinion, as long as the convert sincerely desires to attach themselves to the Jewish people, takes a course in the synagogue about basic Judaism, and adopts some Jewish customs into their life and home that this is sufficient. This is not the case, as even a cursory reading of the Code of Jewish Law attests to (See Yoreh Deah 268:3 and Chazon Ish Yoreh Deah119:2). The sad truth is that the ones who suffer the most from this mistaken reasoning is the sincere convert who thinks they have fulfilled their conversion duties and have become Jewish, just to discover later in life that another conversion is required (many times the situation is magnified as children have already been born, and will need to convert as well at this point). It is to these individual seekers that my heart is extended.

Good luck upon your journey!

Rabbi Yogi

Jacob G.

Dear Jacob,

We, as Jews, are obligated to give 10% of our earning to tzedakah (charity). This mitzva is called maaser in hebrew, which translated means 10%. However, we do not calculate one’s earnings based on salary, but one’s take home check after taxes have been payed. So, if you and your wife bring home $100,000 combined after taxes you will owe $10,000 to tzedaka.

The challenge facing many Jews is that after hearing a big number like $10,000 a year for charity it becomes increasingly hard to actually dig into your pockets throughout the year and give away that money. My advice is to set up a maaser account at your bank. You can have them automatically transfer 10% of your paycheck to that other account, or you can do it yourself. Either way, by setting up another account you feel that the money in that account does not belong to you at all, and it actually becomes very pleasureful to decide how you will distribute your maaser and aid the many worthy Jewish organizations in Dallas and around the world!

Just remember, the only money in your spiritual bank account in the world to come is that money that you parted with and gave to tzedaka. So, go ahead and become a spiritual millionaire!

Wishing you much success in keeping your Rosh Hashana commitment,

Rabbi Yogi

Sincerely,
Shirley B.

Dear Shirley,

First of all I hope you have much nachas (Jewish pride) in your children’s commitment to their Judaism. You surely have instilled in them the seeds of their Jewish observance!

Before I answer your question let me share with you that the laws and deep meanings in the kosher laws are many and cannot all be touched upon in this one article. I do, however, recommend that you join the amazing once a year program that is starting on November 2 called Kosher Month. There you will learn about the varying kosher laws, take a Tom Thumb tour of kosher products and symbols, and learn how to make challah. The overwhelmingly positive response that we had from last year’s participants confirms the power in this annual program. Please contact me if you can make the program!

But, back to your question: The Torah does not spell out the significance of keeping kosher other than the observance of kosher dietary laws makes one holy. What does that mean? Well, as the old adage goes, “you are what you eat”. All of the food that we eat is broken down in our bodies to benefit from it’s good qualities (proteins, vitamins etc.). From these healthy parts of the food, new cells are created and muscle and fat grow. Literally, you become that steak with a side of green beans that you just polished off at the dinner table! If the steak was kosher we can truly say “holy cow!”. When we recreate our bodies with the food that has G-d’s seal of approval on it we can see how our bodies can be called “holy”!

A great rabbi in pre-war Europe went so far as to teach that if a Jew was faced with no option but to either break the laws of Shabbat or break the laws of kosher, he should violate the shabbat, because at least his body will have remained holy. Enjoy your children and there good deeds!

Rabbi Yogi
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